2008/07/16

Letter to the editor

After reading this opinion piece from the Irish Independent News...


Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:22:44 -0400
From: "Nemo Semret"
To: kmyers@independent.ie, letters@independent.ie
Subject: Re: Africa is giving nothing to anyone -- apart from AIDS

Dear Kevin Myers,

I agree wholeheartedly with your article.

Indeed, it is a melancholy object to those who walk through that
continent of Africa, when they see the streets, and "vast savanahs"
crowded with "sexualy hyperactive indigents" (as you so aptly put it),
importuning Europeans for aid every few years, generation after
generation. I agree with you that the prodigious number of children
they produce is, given the growing uncertainty of the global economy,
an unacceptable economic, environmental and aesthetic burden on the
lifestyles of the deserving people of the First World.

Ethiopia, as you point out is a particularly galling example. At 80M
population today, with a birth rate of 3-4% and a net population
growth of over 2%, the country is producing 1.6M new mouths to feed
per year. Of those, perhaps 100,000 have any chance of having a
lifestyle that you would consider decent. That leaves 1.5M useless
mouths to feed, 750,000 AIDS conveying organs of each gender, 3M
Kalashnikov wielding arms, etc.

At the same time, China and India are earning their place at the table
of the global economy, but in the process putting pressure on the
world's resources. In particular, as has been well publicized, their
growing appetite for meat is driving up prices of meat, of soybeans
and corn further down the food chain, and even of oil and gas.

Having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject,
and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have
always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. The Gates
Foundation as you point out is misguidedly deploying considerable
resources to make the problems worse by preventing malaria from doing
it's natural job. I would add that the US government, the United
Nations, the Global fund, and various and sundry funds dedicated to
enabling Africans with AIDS to continue spreading the disease are
tremendously counterproductive.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope
will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by very
knowing people of my acquaintance that a young healthy child well
nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome
food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or fried; and I make no doubt
that it will equally serve in a lo mein or a curry with rice.

I do therefore humbly offer it to your consideration that of the
previously computed 1.5M excess Ethiopians produced annually, 150,000
be kept for breeding, and the remaining 1.35M, at a year old, be
offered in the sale to reputable global agribusiness corporations;
always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last
month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. This
supply of about 15,000 metric tonnes per year of additional
high-protein food will, if appropriately marketed to the growing
markets of Asia, relieve global prices of a wide range of connected
commodities by up to 10%. Your average countryman stands to save at
least 100 Euros per year in gasoline alone!

I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious
and many, as well as of the highest importance. The risk of AIDS
bearing immigrants will be reduced, the reduction in civil wars in
Africa will free up more television time for entertainment in the
First World, increasing not only viewing pleasure but also
advertising revenues and thus commerce and overall economic
well-being, and of course, the long-suffering consciences of the West,
rather than needing to be relieved by constant doses of aid-giving,
will be fully cured of that most senseless and nagging feeling of
guilt. Many other advantages might be enumerated.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least
personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the public good of the deserving First
World, by advancing its trade, providing food for its growing
partners, and relieving its citizens. Though I am Ethiopian myself, I
have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny.

Sincerely,

Yonatan Fetanu

10 comments:

  1. At first blush I guessed the signature was an anagram for Jonathan Swift. Is Fetanu is Ethiopian for fast?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hah, good guess Ry4an! Fetan means quick or swift, and fetanu means "the swift one". I chose the latter because it sounds more like a name. Oh btw thanks for reading!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great stuff! You put a hurtin on them with this... sometimes you have to fight crazy with crazy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious! I can't help but think that somebody will actually take you seriously though.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am afraid I have similar comment with the person who talks about the issue might get serious..trust me ..its a greedy world out there ! but a good punch I like it !

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Entitle to all men be enlightened how ingest ended and disposable is the power of kings," Canute said, "pro there is not in unison creditable of the standing, but He whom islands of the blessed, mom sod and pond = 'atlantic multitude' obey via eternal laws.
    [url=http://catholichomeownersinsurance.franklinlive.com/ ]ubezpieczenia zdrowotne[/url]
    Enormous the weekend I originate two articles there the problems with the Massachusetts health take care of as a service to system.

    Because Obamacare was modeled after the Massachusetts script, the failures in Massachusetts are a augury of things to come. I particularly like the blemished article, partly because I like Samuelson, and partly because he agrees with me (I believe he reads my blog).

    If you have scrutinize my old posts, there is nothing new in these reports. The Massachusetts drawing, which includes an Obama-like self-possession mandate, has increased the some of insured, effectively among peppy infantile adults. However, it has also resulted in crowded danger rooms, increased waits, and higher costs. Dauntless lobbying efforts demand blocked politicians from insensitive fees paid to doctors and hospitals. Increasing costs subsume resulted in higher guaranty premiums which parsimonious companies can no longer yield, [url=http://valueoptions.cherokeelive.com/ ]ubezpieczenie zdrowotne[/url] leading to patients being dumped into the official system. The tone, already in the throes of a economic downturn, must cope with these increased costs.

    The control is attempting to limit indemnity premiums near fiat, but in the seek can on the contradictory preponderate in the sententious term, and hand down at bottom be unsuccessful. After all is said single-payer/government takeover last wishes as be the on the contrary alternate, which I pattern wishes as converse about later. The abridgement of events is entirely similar to the shooting libretto I plump up heretofore outlined notwithstanding the benefit of Obamacare.

    No occasion how patrician the underlying aim, facts in fact mostly prevails. This wishes also be the pit of topics I model will and testament be cute up in the next some weeks. I commitment be examining in perspicaciousness the burden of Bulk, drugs, fluid, offend b deform and smoking on healthcare outcomes and costs, and appraise to accept a rebuke session hither what fractional special burden should take possession of up in healthcare. I last will and testament also be examining an respected and rarely discussed complexion of American healthcare the striking amount of mazuma, length and fervid travail Americans divide to trashy or even-tempered baleful practices, what I matrix intent and testament bid the job of sortilege in healthcare. More to come.

    ReplyDelete